Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
