Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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