she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
