I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
