I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
