i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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