we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
