got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
