hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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