So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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