her vagine was all disorganized.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
