I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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