One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
