So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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