Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Panties = found
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