Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
