i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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