i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and she was petting her beer can
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
