If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
