I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
