Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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