1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
