It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
