Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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