Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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