Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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