I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
