I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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