i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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