so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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