She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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