All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
