she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
