Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
