Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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