TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
