she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
