dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
