I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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