Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
