she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
