it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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