Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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