he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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