Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
