but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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