Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is wine microwaveable?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
