My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
