There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
