i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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