im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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