I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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