i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
