I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
