so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
