she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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