it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drake has all the answers
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
