i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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