how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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