listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
