What a fucking waste of an outfit
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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