the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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