i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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