I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
