There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My cat gives me a boner
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
as a side note pls kill me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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