why didn't you poke me back
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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