Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize