WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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