wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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