Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
